Court is where the custody decisions are made, at least if agreements can't be worked out before hand. It's strange that the lives of children are often determined by somebody sitting up on a bench, in a courtroom, by someone who doesn't really know your child but those kind of decisions are made every day. Given that a judge really knows nothing about your child it makes all the more sense for you to make an honest attempt to come to an agreement with your husband or wife without getting the courts involved if it's at all possible. Because the issue of child custody is so important it helps to have a good understanding of what's involved.

The courts determine custody of a child based on what is in the best interests of the child. Obviously, every case is different just like every child is different. The court is required to consider all relevant factors, including but not limited to the child's wishes, the interaction and relationship between the child and his parents, siblings, or other people close to the child, the child's school, the mental and physical health of everyone involved, the potential for any danger to the child and the willingness of each parent to encourage a close relationship between the child and the other parent. The court does not consider things that do not affect the relationship between a parent and a child. Therefore, as a general rule, the fact that a parent plans to remarry or begins dating someone does not in itself mean that parent is ruled out as a custodial parent.

There are basically two types of custody: sole and joint. It's important to understand what joint custody is and what it isn't.

Many people assume that joint custody means that the child spends an equal amount of time with each parent. However, this is not the case at all. Joint custody actually means that each parent has a say in major decisions affecting the child's life. When we talk about major decisions, we're not talking about whether the child wears Nikes or Reeboks to the Cub Scout meeting. What we're talking about are things like education, health care and religion. The important thing to consider when deciding if joint custody is the proper arrangement is whether the parents are able to communicate effectively with regard to the children. If this is not the case then joint custody may not be the way to go. If joint custody is the right arrangement though, then the parties have to come to an agreement which provides for mediation in the event an argument comes up that can't be resolved.

If joint custody is not the right arrangement then a decision needs to be made, based on the factors I mentioned before, as to which parent should have custody.

We have to be honest with you. A contested child custody battle can be one of the most expensive, destructive ordeals in a person's life not only in terms of money but also time and energy. Most importantly, it has the potential to do considerable harm to the children.